How Do I: Swear More Creatively?

The ability to swear easily and creatively should be part of any big girl’s toolbox. Being unhampered by social niceties, able to speak your mind with humor and confidence, and being grounded in the real world are all part of living well.

A few tips for buffing up your cussing. (It was extremely enjoyable doing some quick research for this.)

First, a great deal joy can be gained by using a swear word as multiple parts of speech within a single sentence. “That fucking fucker better back the fuck off.”

Another is the combining swear words with popular words or cultural icons of the moment, such as a McFuck or a Shitburger.

When words of excitement are overused and losing their meaning, you can inject some fresh feeling into them with a swear word: Fan-fucking-tastic. Be aware the swear word carries a tinge of sarcasm.

The military is a reliable source for advanced swearing, and you can pick up some great pointers here. A lot of it is insider-y and violent, maybe too violent to be funny — which is really the best use of swearing — but then again I’ve never been under fire, so what do I know. If you’re interested in a sample, skim this military glossary. “Throwing or raising the bullshit flag” may have come from the military, so we are forever in their debt for that as well as their service.

The best way to use swearing creatively is to use it lightly — with humor and panache. Swearing in anger is redundant. For some superfun reads, check out “The Grammar of Swearing” especially part three, and an encyclopedic read, “Watch Your F*cking Language.”

Finally, if you can’t swear, just don’t.